CSW Book Review: Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

Gary Chapman is the New York Times bestselling author of The Five Love Languages. And while that book and the various versions (like the Five Love Languages: Singles Edition) have been a runaway hit, I reveled at the practicality of this book at this stage in my life.

As a single woman who is striving to learn as much as possible about what it takes to build a great Christian marriage, this book has proven to be an easy to read manual full of revelations to help more realistically shape my expectations.

For those who may not have read the Five Love Languages or if you just need a refresher, the author begins with a recap of the five love languages to help the reader discover their love language. This is a necessary first step because we must learn how to express love effectively.

Once you have the proper understanding of your love language, this book begins to illustrate why it is so important to spend time with seasoned Christian couples. While the author shares some great insights such as love is not enough to make a successful marriage and suggestions on how to solve disagreements without arguing, it is made more real to see how these truths are actually lived out in real life.

There’s a good chance that you’ll talk about the big stuff before marriage, but typically you’re so overcome with mushy feelings that you never get around to the practical stuff. That’s one reason why this book is so helpful. Who has ever told you to that you need to discuss which of you will clean the toilets? It’s amazing the assumptions we make but based on our upbringing and experiences, our thinking can be totally different so yes, even the basic stuff matters.

Have you ever considered apologizing a sign of strength? Probably not! What’s more did you know that “I’m sorry” may not even qualify as an adequate apology? Well there is an art to apologizing and the author explains it to help you understand how to effectively apologize.

What about sexual fulfillment, do you think it’s automatic if there is mutual attraction? Think again! The author reveals the key to unlocking sexual fulfillment.

Ok, what about personality differences…opposites attract, right? While that may be cute in the dating stage, it will likely become a nuisance in marriage primarily because their behavior will not match your preconceived notions of what marriage was suppose to be like. If you try to force each other into your own personality mold, then you may spend a lifetime in conflict. Since personality differences are so profound and strongly affect behavior, it’s important to gain an understanding of each others’ personality patterns.

I’ve only reviewed a small portion of what the author covers, but there is so much practical information in this book. Also, he has provided discussion questions at the end of each chapter that you can use to think through and talk over with your mate. This is the kind of real information that singles need to help ensure that we enter marriage with a realistic viewpoint and not the falsehoods our minds and hearts have been filled with via movies, tv and fairytales.

This book covers a variety topics and it’s such an easy read. If you’re really serious about having a healthy marriage and want to understand how to make it work before you even get started, get this book. You will not be disappointed. I certainly was not. You can avoid the mistakes of others and really help get your marriage started out on the right foot.

Thanks to Gary Chapman, his wife Karolyn and the numerous couples he has counseled over the past 35 years that provided the research and insights of what it really takes to make marriage work!

Be sure to visit StartMarriageRight.com for more information and resources from Gary Chapman.

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