Interview with Olusegun Mokuolu

Olusegun Mokuolu (pronounced OLU-she-guun) is the leader of The Christian Man, an online men's bible study at Hem-of-His-Garmet-Bible-Study.org.  

The youngest of six kids, he currently works as an  Administrative Officer at a university in Nigeria in addition to leading men through the peculiar challenges that Christian men face, as a bible study leader.

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CSW: Thank you for agreeing to be interviewed and share your feedback from a Christian single male perspective.

As a men’s bible study leader, you have an awesome responsibility that I’m sure is also a labor of love so please tell us a little about yourself, your journey and how you’ve been blessed by blessing others through your ministry.

OM: A lot of what I do have been informed by my experience in life. Growing up was pretty simple as an African child. Things changed a little in my late teenage years as I started experimenting with sin and skipping church and fellowship with all sorts of excuses. While I went on in that lifestyle, there was always a check within my spirit. I always sensed an inner voice warning me and calling me to return to the Lord.

I was brought up and trained in the Christian way. Early on in life I gave my life to Christ but I could not really understand what I was supposed to do. So it was easy for me to be swayed away from the Lord in my late teenage years.

The great change came in 2001; the Lord was merciful as I had a great encounter with Lord in my room. It was an experience that remains fresh and new in my heart. I wept much that day but rose up a new man. I received grace that day and never looked back from then on. I repented of my sins and came out of my room a new man.

My conversion was radical or what people today would call ‘old school’ Christianity. I did away with whatever I conceived to be sinful. I had a girlfriend then and I broke the relationship because I knew it was not a right relationship. I took a decision to allow God to lead me to the woman He would have me marry.

By the grace of God my prayer life took a new turn, I found grace to study the word of God and read almost every Christian book I would lay my hands on. No doubt I still made few mistakes but I was on the right track.

The Lord began to open my eyes to see the state of the Church and a burden developed within me. I was not interested in fame or ‘ministry’ but my heart was never at rest as I continue to see the decay in the Body of Christ. Just as the Lord taught us to pray, so do I started to pray saying, “Lord, send laborers into thy field”.

Within a short while, doors to minister began to open before me. As the Lord would enable me, I was going through each open door allowing the Lord to use me in whatever way He decides. I started receiving invitations to minister in churches and at various programmes. I must say that am not the conventional preacher. I see myself as a child of the Father who simply cares about my Father’s business.

I also started committing some of the things the Lord was teaching me into writing. When the opportunity came to be a Christian columnist, I opted to focus on the young people. However, the web coordinator prefers that I write and focus on men. That’s how I started leading bible study for men online.

It has been a wonderful experience. I bless and give glory to God each time I get a feedback from anyone on how the articles and studies have been a blessing. Therefore, my greatest blessing comes from the knowledge that God blesses someone through me.

CSW: You did a study on the types of women a man should not marry, but can you highlight the type(s) of woman a Christian single man should look to marry?

OM: I did the study primarily because my audience is the Christian man. There is wisdom in knowing what not to do. It’s wonderful to know what to do and equally important to know what not to do. I discovered from the scripture that the scripture speaks a lot on the kind of spouse we should avoid. For example the Bible says, “And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her. (Ecclesiastes 7:26 KJV).

That means the Lord would have a man avoid the woman whose heart is snares and nets. However, the scripture also reveals the types of women the Christian man should look to marry. They can be found in all the pages of the scripture. Because of space I will mention only five. I will simply examine some attributes in the life of five women in the scripture. They were not perfect but they pleased the Lord and God has set them for us as an example of the kind of women Christian men should seek. What’s more important is to look at the attributes in their lives that the scripture focuses on. Every human is unique and no one can be replicated. But the attributes of God’s life in a person can be replicated.

SARAH TYPE:
But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. (1 Peter 3:4-6 KJV)

It is a great honor to be called a daughter of Sarah. This is because it shows that the person has connected with the attributes that the Holy Spirit commended in the life of Sarah. The Sarah type is the woman whose inner life is deep in Christ. This is the woman who pays most attention to eternal things. She’s meek and quiet in spirit. It is wonderful to note that the Bible says; to be meek and of a quiet spirit in the sight of God is of great price.

In the sight of men it’s not so. The natural man thinks such a woman is stupid and foolish. To be meek is to be like Jesus who said of Himself that He’s meek and lowly. Jesus would never have saved us if he was not meek.

The natural man wants to hold on to rights but Christ, for our sake, gave up His rights and died for us. The Sarah type understands this and does not have any problem with submission or humility. The Sarah type is a submissive woman, whose submission is a flow of the life of Christ within her rather than a compulsion from the environment. She is the holy type who does not live carelessly or given to worldliness. She’s not a woman living in sin.

ABIGAIL TYPE:
Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb. (1 Samuel 25:3 KJV)

Abigail is a wonderful character in the bible. She got the best introduction any woman could get. The Holy Spirit introduced her to us as a woman of good understanding. That means she was a woman of wisdom. If the Holy Spirit would say someone is of good understanding, we better believe and regard the person as such.

She demonstrated in futures verses why she was judged to be of good understanding. She kept David away from committing sin, saved her house hold and never disrespected her wicked husband. Therefore, the Abigail type is the woman who will not encourage a man to commit sin in any way. This is a woman who would say NO to advances of sin from a man. She’s a woman who can intercede for her household. She’s a woman full of respect and wisdom. She can build her home because the Bible says; by wisdom a house is built. May every Christian man find an Abigail in their spouse – Amen.

THE RUTH TYPE:
And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me. (Ruth 1:16-17 KJV)

Even as a man, I have always been fascinated by the commitment of Ruth. It has been my prayer for years now that the Lord would help me to be as committed as Ruth and if possible much more than that. Relationship is about commitment. It’s more than feeling and a desire for sex. It’s a covenant commitment. Unfortunately, most people getting married do not even have a clue of what commitment is all about. That explains the pains experienced in relationships.

But Ruth presented us a classical example of what commitment should be. She was committed to the point of death, without expecting anything in return. A Christian man should therefore seek to marry a woman who knows and understands commitment.

TIMOTHY TYPE:
The Lord specifically mentioned, in the book of Timothy, the type of woman a Christian man should have.

Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things. (1 Timothy 3:11 KJV)

Earlier verses had mentioned the qualities of a Bishop/Elder and verve 11 is showing us how their wives also must be. I believe this verse does not only apply to Church leaders wives but every Christian man. This is a woman ‘faithful in all things’. She’s the serious type who does not live carelessly. She does not go about back-biting, or slandering. May we all receive grace to be faithful in all things.

THE VIRTUOUS TYPE:
There is no way one could talk about the type of woman a Christian man should look to marry without drawing attention to the woman mentioned in Proverbs 31. In my opinion, she’s the embodiment of all that a Christian woman should be.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (Proverbs 31:10-11 KJV)

Time and space would not allow me to look in detail this woman. It’s important to note that even God is asking, ‘who can find a virtuous woman?’ She’s not your average woman. She’s expensive to the point that money cannot buy her. She’s not the woman that can be tricked with wealth. She’s of the best quality; full of wisdom and industrious. The man can completely put his heart in her hands and find safety. All the attributes of Sarah, Ruth, Abigail and much more, can be found in her. she’s the ideal woman for every Christian man to look to marry.

CSW: What characteristics are most appealing to you in a Christian single woman?

I will start to answer this question from where I ended by looking at the concluding verse on the virtuous woman. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 KJV). This verse has helped to form my basis of what I find attractive or most appealing in a Christian single woman. I do not place emphasis on beauty or feelings but on the woman’s relationship with the Lord. This is very important to me and it’s the first and most appealing thing to me in a single Christian woman. A woman, who has passion for the Lord and walking in obedience, is most attractive to me.

I also find attractive a Christian single woman who is given to the word of God. In my opinion, a woman’s attitude to the word of God is an expression of her relationship with God. I therefore look for a woman who is filled with the word of God. Not because she wants to minister with it but because she loves the Lord.

I must admit I like a woman given to prayer. I believe as we grow in the Lord, so must our prayer life become richer and deeper. A praying life is also a reflection of that person’s dependence on the Lord.

These are the three basic things that I find appealing in a Christian single woman. Other things are not priorities to me. Although, I do like a woman with sense of humor and with eyes for books.

CSW: As a men’s bible study leader, how do you encourage Christian single men to prepare for marriage or how are you preparing for marriage?

OM: After a careful search of the scripture I came to an understanding that the best and only way to prepare for marriage is to be Christ-like. This is therefore what I share with other Christian men. A man would only be able to love his spouse as Christ loved the Church if he’s Christ-like. A Christ-like man would cherish and care for his spouse without any struggle. He will not have problem with faithfulness. He will be the best dad because Jesus is the best dad. He will be a great lover because Jesus is a great lover. I therefore concentrate my prayer and effort at becoming like Jesus.

I believe every Christian man should allow the Holy Spirit to break them and let the life of Christ flow through them. There is no other alternative. Jesus was a prayerful man and full of God’s word. I believe every Christian single man should be likewise. Studying the scripture, giving attention to prayer, reading Christian books and walking in the ways of the Lord could all help, but a submission to the dealings and breaking of the Holy Spirit is the best form of preparation.

For example, have been praying to the Lord to teach me how to love. The Holy Spirit has been taking me through paths where I am confronted with the issue of love. Gradually am learning what true love is. This I believe is a great preparation for me to love my wife when the time comes. By the grace of God am learning to be patient and depend on God in my daily life.

I believe life is the school of marriage. The Lord takes us through those paths because he knows what lies ahead.

CSW:Though you are constantly pouring out and encouraging others, what would you say has been the best piece of advice or encouragement that you have ever received that has blessed you as a Christian single?

OM: Incidentally, there are so many of such. But I think there is one in particular that really changed everything for me. At some point I was disturbed about the issue of who and when am going to get married. Then the word of God came to me that I should completely be at rest that God is in control. I then discovered that when God is interested in a man, He is also interested in all aspects of his life, marriage inclusive. Since that day have been at rest and never allowed myself to be moved. The word came to me in a powerful and assuring manner. That has given rise to peace that truly surpasses all understanding.

CSW: Women always seem to outnumber men in church and ministry settings and we tend to believe that Christian men have it easy because you all have so many single women to choose from. So why do you think many Christian single men who say they want to be married are choosing to stay single?

OM: Let me start by saying that Christian men are not finding it easy to choose because there are so many women. The more the women are the more difficult it becomes making a choice. It may be easy to make a choice between two but much more complex making choice among one hundred. So the increase in number does not make things easy. Moreover, both the man and the woman must trust the Lord to make the right choice, so no one is at advantage than the other.

I believe there could be several reasons why Christian single men who say they want to be married are choosing to stay single. Some of the reasons could be economic, fear etc. However, for a true Christian single man, there are few reasons, which I think may be applicable.

He may genuinely not find a committed Christian single woman. He may be waiting upon the Lord. It could also be due to lack of wisdom or the fear of failing because of the prevailing failures around. Other reasons could be private and personal to individuals.

CSW: Many Christian singles are depressed by the fact that they are still single; some are caught in what you’ve called an emotional trap. Do you think the church does enough to address this or is it really a matter of Christian singles developing a personal relationship with Christ to counter these feelings and find their joy and worth in Him?

OM: I think it’s both ways. The Church is not doing enough to address this issue because Church leaders may lack in the experience and grace to handle such matter. It’s also true that a personal relationship with Christ would easily have taken care of the problem. Women must understand that they don’t need the love of a man to live a fulfilling life. All the love we would ever need can be found in Jesus. Marriage was created so that man can effectively fulfill the purpose of God. Marriage therefore was established that the purpose of God might be done.

We must never depend on another man/woman for our sustenance; God only is our sustenance. Depression for being single is a clear sign that the person does not understand what marriage is. It’s also a clear sign that the person does not have a deep walk with the Lord.

I hope to find a spouse someday and be married, but if that does not happen, I will happy and fulfilled because my joy comes from the Holy Spirit. The Bible says the joy of the Lord is my strength.

CSW: How are you addressing this via the bible study that you lead?

OM: I help people understand and develop their relationship with the Lord. I also explain what marriage is. When we understand the purpose of marriage, then we will not have any problem being single. Let me give this illustration. A friend called his friend to let her know he may be inviting her to his place so that she comes and help throw the trash away. For two weeks he did not call her and she became depressed. The question is why is she depressed? She either does not know what she was called to do or she has ulterior motive.

CSW: Finally, what advice would you offer Christian single women when choosing a mate?

OM: I would advise the following:

• A woman should get deeper in Christ. The deeper she is in the Lord, the easier she can tell how deep a man is in the Lord


• Seek to understand the purpose of God in marriage


• Make a man’s relationship with the Lord her number one quality in choosing a mate


• Should not give a second thought to a man who asks for sex before marriage


• Remain prayerful and take every proposal to the Lord in payer


• Be patient and wait upon the Lord


• Don’t choose an unbeliever, a babe in Christ, a lukewarm Christian, a backsliding Christian or an uncommitted Christian


• Never choose based on feelings but on reason and the leading of the Lord


• Above all, trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding


• Lastly, wait upon the Lord, again I say wait
  

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Thanks to Olusegun for his feedback. I think you all will agree, he provided a bible study via his responses that can be used for future study. 

For more information from Olusegun, be sure to checkout his online bible study page at the Hem-of-His-Garmet-Bible-Study.org.

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