Interview with Mark Anthony McCray

Mark Anthony McCray  is the author of BeWorthFinding.com, a blog about relationships, dating and marriage.

He developed this blog to create a community where women can learn how to become "WORTH FINDING" as opposed to all of this noise we hear about finding a man - which is so often filled with overt sexuality and gamesmanship.

You will find that Mark shares a pretty candid view on his blog so let's discover how he can further enlighten us as he shares further thoguhts on singleness from this Christian single male’s perspective.

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CSW: I was introduced to you on Facebook, but your online presence is quite varied so please start by sharing a little about yourself and your desire to help single women.

MAM:Thank you for asking me to share. First, let me say that my allegiances, passions and concerns are first and foremost for the kingdom of God. I hasten to start there because I don’t know that I have a specific desire to “help single women” but I am sincerely concerned that the truth of the gospel be proclaimed and that people walk in truth and healing.

That relates to single women in the sense that there have been abuses in the church and misunderstandings of biblical truth that have served to harm our ability to have healthy relationships. There is nothing wrong with being single, nothing at all. However, I have found that so many people are single because of unhealed hurts, misunderstandings, poor relationship skills and other such maladies. I would like to see the light of truth shine in these areas and, when it does, we will all become healthy enough to have healthy relationships.

My background is as a writer, teacher and entrepreneur. I have worked in Christian ministry in fulltime staff and biblical studies for years and years. It’s only recently that I’ve been called upon to give more insight into relationships. It still shocks me. It took the disintegration of my own marriage to finally get serious about learning what God has to say about purpose, singleness, marriage and roles and families. I became determined to “get it right” from now on. The Lord, by His grace, has been increasing my understanding and at the same time opening doors for me to share. It really is amazing.

CSW: You have described singleness as an epidemic, stating that it could be robbing the body of Christ of its witness, its power and its cohesion. Please expound on this and share what you’re doing in your singleness to help counter this reality.

MAM: Since I first called singleness and epidemic, I’ve become even more convinced this is the case. It’s truly sad that we do such a poor job of relating to one another these days. It hurts me. For many of us, life is simply more difficult than it needs to be. Solomon addressed this saying “two are better than one” in Ecclesiastes. I understand that saying doesn’t apply strictly to marital relationships, but it doesn’t exclude it either.

Second, when God looked at the mission to which He had called Adam, He declared that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. This is the first time the Lord calls anything in His creation “not good” in the Bible! Finally, even in the New Testament, analogies linking our relationship to Christ with marital relationships between men and women are so numerous there’s not space to list them. I wonder openly how it might limit our understanding of God’s will, the scriptures and limit our abilities to win the lost if marriage is looked upon as an evil by the saints. If every experience with marriage is negative, bruised, broken or there’s no experience at all, how does that influence our ability to comprehend covenant and Christ’s commitment to us, His bride?

What am I doing to counter this? I am aggressive about learning what God desires and requires of a man (and a woman) in terms of life and purpose and how a married couple can work out purpose together. I am building platforms to help other people understand how to “get it right” as well. Be Worth Finding is one of those. It is primarily aimed at women, but I’m working on a couple of initiatives for men, too. I confess that I think some of the first keys to the relationship puzzle belong to my sisters.

CSW: What would you say is the greatest contributing factor to your ability to enjoy a fulfilling life as Christian single?

MAM: You need to be as intimate with your purpose in God as you can. Being consumed with pursuing your purpose is the most important thing.

CSW: Many Christian singles are depressed by their single status. What role do you believe the church should play in addressing this or is it really a matter of Christian singles developing a personal relationship with Christ to counter these feelings and find their joy and worth in Him?

MAM: Like my previous answer, I think the church should work to help people know, understand and pursue their eternal purposes in God. Depression is more linked to knowing we aren’t controlling our own direction than anything else. In that sense, I’m sure developing a personal relationship with Christ is effectual for change, but there are a lot of depressed believers, too.

CSW: Most single women desire to be in a relationship and to someday get married. However you (as well as many other men) have stated that some things we do are actually man‐repellant. Can you please enlighten us on a few of those things that we should stop doing as well as share a few things that are appealing to Christian men?

MAM: Paul’s direction for Christian relationships in Ephesians, especially Chapters 4 and 5, really spells out most of what we need to know. Wives are to respect, honor and (once married) be submissive/subject to their husbands. I believe mature men are looking for signals and clues that a woman can be such a partner even while they are still in the dating stage. I don’t believe women understand how fragile the male ego is or how responsive it is to good care and “feeding” for lack of a better term. 

CSW: Many Christian single men say they want to be married, but since the ratio of Christian single women far outnumber that of Christian single men we often wonder why many men choose to remain single for so long. What would you say are a few key reasons for this?

MAM: Very tough question to answer and there’s no way to do it without controversy. Additionally, any answer I give has the potential to sound sexist. Therefore, I’ll do my best to be candid and honest. At least I can do that and urge you not to toss my answers aside if they’re offensive. They’re only my perspective and they are male…which will itself possibly rub you and your readers the wrong way.

Nevertheless, why might so many single Christian men choose to remain single?

• They aren’t connected to their purposes enough to realize they need help accomplishing it.
• The women in their lives aren’t connected enough to their purposes to understand their purposes might be connected to a man.
• Sex is very available and a lot of women don’t offer anything more than that.
• Immaturity, fear and selfishness
• Christian women put too much focus on being “Christian” and aren’t very womanly.
• They don’t understand the fullness of life that can come from being in a purposeful marriage.
• Sex is very available…the desire to having a sexual partner is a legitimate drive towards marriage.
• A lot of women don’t offer a lot of value beyond sex…a guy might not see how a woman can add anything to his life beyond a sexual partner…and a lot of women don’t.

CSW: One of your latest ventures is called Be Worth Finding. Please describe the premise of this ministry and share what you believe is the one thing that every Christian single woman must do to be worth finding.

MAM: Simple premise: the Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. I believe that with all my heart. However most of the faith‐based dialogue about dating tends to consist of either men who seem committed to gathering a harem or women whose advice doesn’t rise to a higher level than telling women how to become sexier and run “better game” on men. I guess there is a third category – those who just tell women to learn how to be happy single. My point of view is this: most mature, Godly men are “marriage‐minded” and will find and marry a woman of quality. Therefore, the best thing a woman can do is become focused on being the best she can be in God and be approachable.

I don’t have the time or space to get into it here, but approachability will be more attractive to more men than raw looks. The story of Rebecca teaches women a lot about being approachable. 

In summary, I believe the Lord helps men who are focused on their purpose in Him find good and trustworthy women with whom to partner in life. I believe if a woman becomes focused on “being worth finding” her odds of being found increase supernaturally. Frankly, I’m not sure many of the women who say they have a hard time “finding a good man” are ready to be a partner for that man they say they want. The good man is going to get married…and he’s going to marry a good woman, a woman worth finding.

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My sincere thanks to Mark Anthony for sharing his candid views on singleness! I'm sure you learned from his feedback and if you want to get more from him be sure to check out BeWorthFinding.com or connect with him on Facebook.

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