Lessons Learned Interview with
Kissie Robbie

CSW: Thank you for agreeing to do an interview with me. After reading a comment you left on my guest post regarding what singles should do during their season of singleness, I wanted to reach out to you because I knew you had a few lessons that would benefit me, as well as my visitors.

Let’s not delay this any longer, please share a bit about yourself and your blog, JustKissie.com.

KR: I am a self proclaimed award winning author who have yet to publish one book. A good friend suggested last year (2009) that I start blogging to get me in the flow of writing. Because of my flightiness, I decided to give it a try and I dedicate more time to blogging than I do to my future books.

CSW: You mentioned that you are twice divorced which I can only imagine is emotionally devastating. However every trial is an opportunity to learn something about ourselves and grow, so what did you learn about love and life as a result?

KR: Hmmm, one thing I learned is how selfish I am. And, that the second marriage wouldn’t have been if I weren’t so “flighty” there it is again. Lisa, I hate to tell you this but there was no emotional devastation on my part. I’m not proud to say that I have the gift of goodbye; that’s not a good trait in a marriage. I knew when I severed my marriages as I know now that it was about the covenant and really not about the love. I committed to my husbands (was beens) as well as to my God, that I would love and stay with them to the end. I lied. When I didn’t want to work or do my part as a wife, I gave up.

So what did I learn? I learned that it is NOT ABOUT ME and what I want when I want it – in a marriage or any other relationship.

CSW: Most of my visitors are single and looking to marry, so what advice would you offer to Christian single women out there about the importance of preparing for marriage?

KR: Wow, the only advice I can think of and will graciously give is that you have one prayer and that is the desire to have a heart like God’s. I want the things that will break His heart to break mine and I want to be pleased by what pleases Him. You know that’s a good place to be in and many of us are far from that. I only want the DESIRE, that’s a great start! Don’t you think?

We desire so many other things; we can add that to the top of the list. That’s preparation like no other; do you know what kind of wife that will make? Girl, if we cared about the things that God cares about …. Wow, what awesome women we would be … the marriage thing would be a breeze!

CSW: What are the top three signs you overlooked while dating both of your ex-husbands that ultimately led to divorce?

KR: I overlooked my selfish desires. I wanted someone to do all the things they should do for me, I never considered my role in the relationship. It wasn’t anything in the dating, it was all in my mind and it was ME, ME, ME. I thought about the “wedding” … only.

Well, the second time I knew it was more than the wedding that mattered but my focus still hadn’t changed completely. I was even more determined to be in control. (lol) I’m laughing at myself now but back then I thought I knew what was BEST for us. Haha!

CSW: Most single women have a list of requirements that a man must possess in order to be considered marriage material. However, I’ve noticed at least two things about these lists:

1) they seem to shrink as we age and
2) they are often not biblically based.

What characteristics were most important to you in dating, but did little to help build a good marriage?

KR: Oh maybe that was one of my problems, lol. I guess one of the characteristics were that they were single! Okay, seriously, I always felt that I should be spiritually compatible with ANYONE that I have close relationships with – that’s not always the case – but it’s good to have a Paul, Timothy, and Silas in your circle. So, it was important that they knew Jesus and had a relationship with Him. And, you know … God gave Adam a job before the e-Harmony or Match with Eve….so they just had to be brining in some income. That was about it.

But Lisa, I’m not sure if you caught on yet – my issues were not in the choices of my husbands. They were great and are still good guys, I was just about “Kissie” and now Kissie is talking about her past marriages and should be talking about a current one. The thing with requirements in your mate, in my opinion, can keep you assessing them by your checklist. Maybe I did have one or two lists back then and just don’t remember now … it’s been at least 10-15 years ago. A lot of times we work on what we want but not what we want to or should be. So when our mate slips or errs according to our requirements, then we can easily see faults. My point is just don’t get too crazy with your list of requirements because that perfect man does not want some crazy woman.

CSW: What do you know now about marriage that you wish you had known before getting married?

KR: Our God is a God of covenant. A three fold cord is not easily broken.

CSW: Would you consider marrying again? If so, what would you do differently?

KR: Honey, yes! What you say….of course! I’m not dead. What I would do differently is WAIT, know for sure, know that I will not hurt this person, know that I am ready, know that I am willing, and finally I will TAKE MY TIME.

Let me say this to anyone who may change their “requirements” because of their age – the age you are is the age you should be … do it and do it the way you want it. Don’t get caught up in that. I know a couple of people who’ve gotten married in their 60’s and late 70’s. That doesn’t mean it’ll be that long for us but don’t’ settle because of age.

Lisa, I’m so excited for my next husband because I plan to be the best wife ever – the kind that if it was written in a book, it would be a bestseller.

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My thanks to Ms. Kissie for sharing a few of the lessons she's learned.  She has a wonderful heart behind that beautiful smile. Ms. Kissie  is all over the internet (literally) sharing an encouraging word or funny story, so be sure to check out her primary online home at JustKissie.com

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