Interview with Kevin Sanders
Kevin Sanders, is the author of KuyaKevin.com,
a blog about Christian reflections on relationships and life. "Kuya" is
Filipino for "older brother". Though he is a Christian missionary living in the Philippines since 2002, he is originally from the state of Alabama in the U.S.
His blog is filled with nuggets of wisdom, so let’s pick his brain and learn more about his views on singleness from a Christian single male perspective.
CSW: First of all, thank you for granting my interview request. I’m excited for you to share your perspective on singleness as a single Christian man with my visitors. I know you are a pastor and missionary currently serving in Manila, Philippines but can tell my visitors a little more about yourself and your ministry.
KS: We call ourselves Crossway Ministries Philippines. We specialize in campus evangelism and discipleship. We share the gospel with students on college campuses, then disciple those who respond. We’re also heavily involved in missions: both short-term and long-term missionary endeavors.
CSW: Many of my visitors tell me they are struggling with their singleness, mainly because they can see no light at the end of the tunnel. However, it seems men and women often view things differently so, what is you view of singleness? - Blessing or curse and why?
KS: First and foremost, let’s get rid of the silly notion that singleness is a “gift.” When people talk to me about the “gift of singleness” or “blessed singleness,” I usually have the sudden urge to vomit. Yes, Paul mentioned the benefits of singleness in 1st Corinthians 7, but we’ve taken this idea way too far.
God
has hard-wired us with a desire for physical and emotional
intimacy. God said, “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis
2:18). One of my favorite dating books is Holding Hands, Holding Hearts. The
authors describe singleness as a “trial,” and I think this is a more
accurate term.
Where am I going with all of this? I just want your readers to know it
is good, normal, and healthy to desire marriage. Some people think God
will give us a spouse when we stop wanting one—how ridiculous!* Does
God play mind games with is children?
But I don’t want to
present singleness as 100% bad—it isn’t. Being single does give someone
a unique opportunity to pursue studies, ministry or other ambitions
without the commitment of having a family.
And getting married
will not make you happy if you are a completely miserable person—you’ll
just end up sharing your misery with someone else.
Now, let’s put all of this together: I would encourage
singles to enjoy the benefits of being single, but plan for and pursue
marriage.
It’s a balancing act that requires wisdom and discernment. Use your
single years for God’s glory, but realize you may need to take
practical steps in finding a spouse.
*See also: A Really Dumb Poem About “God’s Plan”.
CSW: What is the one thing you wish Christian single women realized about themselves and about Christian single men?
KS: First and foremost, I want single women
to know there are good
Christian guys out there—we are not extinct!
I
also hope they realize they can do more than just sit on the couch and
wait for Mr. Wonderful to arrive at their doorstep. Let’s assume you
are of age to consider marriage. If you are not meeting any good guys,
it’s time to change your routine! Visit some friends’ churches, join a
Christian dating website—do something to expand your social network.
Last
(but not least) I urge my Christian sisters to be very careful about
the books they read. My friend and I started singlechristian.org
because some of the most popular Christian books are also the most
unbalanced.
CSW: I love your tag line which says, “Be Pure. Be Wise. Be Blessed.” I know you teach True Love Waits classes to students, but it seems many adult singles believe the message applies only to youth. Big Brother (Kuya) Kevin, can you please offer some brotherly advice to Christian single women as to why living a life of purity is essential at any age.
KS: Well, God has designed sex
for marriage (Genesis 2:24; 1st Thessalonians 4:3-8; Hebrews 13:4). His
mind has not changed (imagine that). His commandments are here to protect
us and provide the best for us. When we break God’s
commandments, we just break ourselves.
If
you want to honor God (at any age) and avoid some severe emotional,
spiritual, and physical consequences, you better take His commandments
seriously.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I
want to ad something here. “Waiting” means abstaining from sexual
immorality—waiting until marriage for sex. I’m afraid this concept has
been high jacked by those who believe God doesn’t allow us to do
anything to find a spouse.
In other words, some may say you’re
not “waiting” if you go out on a date or take practical steps to find a
spouse—nonsense! I encourage my blog readers to be wise and pure as
they search for love. You can search, but be sure you do so in a way
that is pure and wise.*
*See also: Is It OK to Search for Love
CSW: Finally, what is your prayer for Christian
single
women?
KS: It would be Paul’s prayer for the
Philippians:
And
this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge
and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best
and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the
fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and
praise of God. –Philippians 1:9-11
I hope and pray my single Christian sisters will live purely
and discern what is best for their lives.
CSW: Thanks Kuya Kevin! I think you are
doing an awesome work, may God continue to bless you and your ministry.
KS: Thank you! It’s an honor.
My sincere thanks to Kevin for taking time to enlighten us with his views on the subject of singleness. For more sound advice and information, be sure to check out the 'For Women’ section of Kevin’s blog.
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