CSW Book Review:
How to Find a Husband Following God's Will

A visitor to this website sent me an email recommending that I read How To Find A Husband Following God's Will by Karen Elizabeth Totten. Upon seeing the title I was a bit apprehensive because I don’t think it’s the woman’s role to “find” a husband. However, I enjoy reading and I believe it is vitally important to prepare for marriage so I thought it could be worthwhile to discover if there are any truths that could be gathered from this book to share with my visitors.

I was pleasantly surprised to read the introduction and discover the author states, this book is not a “how to get a husband quick” book. In fact she states, “following God’s will” is the most important part of the book’s title. The author goes on to state that we must start by having a personal relationship with Christ and describes when it starts and what that looks like.

I like the way marriage is defined in this book. Rather than a simplistic definition, vital characteristics with descriptions are provided (along with corresponding scriptures) such as:

a sacrament
it's permanent
friendship
love
it’s primary
has a strong foundation

This book provides thought-provoking questions to help you decipher why you want to get married, what you envision about marriage as well as exploring your past.

Some great advice the author provides is “be the best you can be!” She goes on to advise, “imagine what your perfect life would look like without a husband, now go make that happen.” This will help you find meaning in life and provide you with much more to offer if God provides a husband for you.

A bit more great advice is to be honest about who you are. Your thoughts, behaviors, mannerisms, way you dress, where you go and who you hang out with all give signals about who you are and what you want. If it’s difficult to really see who you are, look at who you attract. If you attract guys who are party animals only looking for a good time and not interested in a commitment, then maybe you need to make some changes in your life in order to attract different people into your life.

She also highlights the proper role of sex in marriage. Love is defined as the opposite of using another person as an object to satisfy our desires. Sexual desire towards a sexual body part and not a whole person is perversion, the author states. Love in marriage is about surrendering to another person. There should be a feeling of responsibility for the other person. One who truly loves does not withdraw when seeing weakness, but loves more. The person never loses his or her essential value.

We have grown accustom to seeing Proverbs 31 used to describe the characteristics of the ideal wife. However, one thing I found very interesting was the author’s use of Proverbs 31 to highlight attributes of the ideal husband. She cites that a woman who lived in ancient times would not have had the kind of freedom and responsibility described without the support and encouragement of her husband.

Also unlike we typically see, the author provides topics to discuss with a suitor rather than a list of requirements that most singles typically use. The author shares the one great thing about being single is that you get to keep working on yourself and keep learning how to be a good woman, wife and mother helping you be all the more prepared when and if your husband arrives.

One question, most single women have is, how will I know when I find the one? And I think the author provides a pretty good response by stating, “it will feel like home”. Home is not perfect, there’s dust and dirty laundry but it’s comfortable and makes you feel like you belong.

All in all this was a very easy read. Although I struggled with a few things the author shared, I think she provided some unique takes on several common concepts and covers a broad range of topics. I was definitely able to take away some nuggets of wisdom, so thanks to the visitor who suggested it.

If you’re ready to yield to God’s will as it relates to your life and marriage, click here to get your copy of How To Find A Husband Following God's Will.

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