Guidelines for Christian Dating

Boy meets girl, a spark ensues and shortly thereafter you’re officially dating. Things are off to a great start and you’re excited, but don’t start planning your future together just yet. First be sure to apply a few practical guidelines for Christian dating.

Each of the following guidelines for Christian dating should be applied to help you get the most out of your dating relationships. Of course I can’t guarantee if you follow these guidelines for Christian dating you will fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. However, as I can attest, you will likely save yourself quite a bit of heartache in the dating process if you apply these guidelines.

Don’t Use Your Imagination

This is a departure from conventional wisdom because since childhood we have been taught to use our imagination, but in dating our imaginations can get us into trouble. For a long time, I would go through a million questions in my head just about every time I met a new guy. Wondering what could possibly come of this and imaging our future interactions together.

However this line of thinking gets you started off on the wrong foot primarily because you subconsciously begin moving forward based on what you’ve imagined about this guy rather than reality. So, don’t use your imagination and fantasize about what could be, keenly observe what he is actually showing you about himself to determine if you two would actually be compatible.

Limit Phone Time

Every since high school, most of us have used the phone as a way of getting to know a guy. However, spending hours upon hours sharing all of your hopes and dreams causes you to become too emotionally attached to a guy. Once you’re emotionally attached it becomes increasingly difficult to make wise decisions.

Another good reason to limit your phone time (especially initially) is it prevents you from observing body language. Body language is very important and useful when getting to know someone. It is critical to spend some time in person observing his body language in response to your questions as well as the body language he exhibits when you respond to his questions.

Also keep in mind although social media is a popular way to connect with people, please recognize that text messaging and Facebook updates do not constitute a relationship. Spend some quality face time getting to know a guy to help determine if he is the right guy for you.

Set Boundaries

The time to set boundaries in your dating relationship is before it starts. Determine the standards by which you are willing to live your life and set boundaries around them. Two key boundaries you should set in Christian dating are ensuring you stay true to your faith and avoid engaging in premarital sex. However it’s not enough to just have Christian dating boundaries, you must also adhere to them.

Once you are in a relationship it is critical that you communicate your boundaries upfront and stick to them. For example, since we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, we should not get involved in a dating relationship with a non-believer thinking that we can convert them. At the point you discover he does not acknowledge Jesus Christ as Lord, the most you can be is friends.

Likewise the moment he tells you he can’t be in a monogamous relationship or be in a relationship without having sex, then it’s time to move on because these are signals that you will soon be asked to compromise your principles if you stay.

Don’t be so afraid of losing someone that you begin to compromise your core principles just to be in a relationship. This doesn’t mean you will be alone forever, it just means he is not the guy for you.

Don’t forget your Covering

We tend to think relationships are exclusively between two people, but in dating it would behoove us to engage others to help us make wise decisions. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone should not be involved in your relationship because that will only create unnecessary problems; however your spiritual mentors, spiritual covering or accountability partners should be involved.

Whatever you call them doesn’t matter, but the fact is you need at least one seasoned Christian married couple looking out for your best interest and advising you during the dating process.

While this may seem odd or old fashioned, you must realize that we can’t expect to make wise decisions using TV, music lyrics and our friends as our guide. In order to build a solid Christian marriage, it would be helpful to elicit advice from a joyfully married seasoned Christian couple.

Though not required, I recommend a couple who has been married for 20 years or more. The reason being is that they have endured enough to know what is required to make a marriage work.

Even though you may not like what they have to say, you would do good to listen to their advice for a few reasons.

• First, they have your best interest at heart

• Second, they are not emotionally tied to this guy and will likely observe things that you have overlooked

• Third, the husband will ask questions you may be afraid to ask or not think to ask and he will recognize game that you may not

Also, the husband’s perspective will likely be balanced by his wife’s keen observation to subtleties. Listen carefully to what they will share with you because they want what’s best for you. After all, remember they are your covering.

Date with a Purpose

If you desire to be married, then you should be dating with the distinct purpose of trying to determine if this guy would make a suitable husband for you. Use your initial dates as interviews. You see dating is not just for companionship and to get out of the house. Your goal is to learn as much as possible about a guy to determine if he possess the characteristics that would make him a good Christian husband.

One of the worse things we can do as Christian singles is date aimlessly following the path the world has laid out for us. Casual dating is misguided and does little, if anything, to prepare you for marriage so date with a specific purpose in mind.

Don’t aimlessly pursue a dating relationship and just hope for the best, go in with your eyes wide open and use Biblical principles along with these guidelines for Christian dating to help you make wise decisions.

Keep God at the Center

First, recognize and accept the fact that every guy you meet is not meant to be your husband. The first question you should ask when meeting a new guy is “Lord, what is your purpose for bringing this person into my life?” This question allows you to focus your thoughts appropriately. Your role in his life may not be his wife. Prayer will help you discern God’s will. Seek God’s will in all things including dating.

Pray and ask God for guidance at every stage of your relationship. Moving forward in a relationship and ultimately selecting a husband is a decision that be made with much prayer.

So in order to enjoy the dating process be sure that you don’t use your imagination, but focus on reality. In the early stages, limit your time on the phone and always set and adhere to your Christian dating boundaries. Utilize your spiritual covering and remember that you are dating with a purpose in mind and always keep God at the center of your relationship.

If you follow these guidelines for Christian dating you will likely save yourself a lot of heartache. Be safe out there and make wise decisions during the dating process.

Ready to begin Christian Dating? Be sure to check out these Christian Dating Principles first!

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