Getting Over a Break Up

Well we’ve all been there; a relationship that you thought was promising suddenly ends. No matter how many times it has happened in the past, it still stings like it’s the first time. For a while I actually thought this had gotten the best of me until one of my friends asked me how I was able to handle this so well.

Shocked by her question, I asked “what makes you think I am handling this well?” She simply stated, “you act like this is not bothering you.” Well of course I was saddened by the turn of events, but to better understand her comment let me put this in a bit more context.

Ironically, our relationships ended right around the same time, she was devastated and could not stop crying and I was thankful that I had done things a bit differently this time around. The only real difference I saw in the way we were able to handle this was the fact that I had done a better job of guarding my heart throughout this budding relationship, while she jumped all in and begin envisioning their future together. I was a bit more cautious trying to ensure his actions were actually aligned with his words. Not because I wasn’t hopeful that things would work out but because just the summer before I had been hurt by someone who had all the right things to say but absolutely no follow through, so I just really wanted to proceed with caution (and I’m glad I did!).

I struggled with how I could have been such a poor judge of character and realized once again the reality that too often we want to be in a relationship so we make allowances for people where we shouldn’t. (Notice I’m using the term “we” because I am guilty as charged). Don’t make excuses for him. As the Maya Angelou quote goes, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

After numerous discussions, not to mention prayers, we have both moved on and are in a better place now with lessons learned from this ordeal. However, I figured since my friend had this question then other single women were also struggling with this so I wanted to share how I was able to get over this break up with my sanity still intact. Nothing earth shattering here, but prayerfully you will find it helpful.

• Evaluate your role in the break up

Don’t play the blame game, identify what you need to change about you and identify what to look for and/or avoid in the future. Even if you believe his actions were the cause of this break up, you likely enabled him in some way. People will only do what you allow, so recognize what role you played so you won’t repeat it.

• Don’t forget all that you have to offer

It’s ok to cry if you must, but remember just because someone doesn’t recognize your value and worth doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. You are not doomed, nor are you damaged goods, you are a prized possession and don’t ever let anyone make you feel like anything less. You are a jewel to behold and the right person for you will both recognize and honor that.

• Don’t rush into a new relationship

A break up can be painful so give yourself time to heal. Clarify in your mind what went wrong and what you will do differently going forward. Remember you played a role, but also look to the future with great expectations. Don’t assume all men are dogs and are just out to hurt you. If this is your mindset, you are not quite ready to move on. Don’t attempt to make others pay for the hurt that one person caused you. Allow God to heal your heart so you can build healthy relationships going forward.

• Understand that rejection is protection and move on

At the end of the day, you must come to the realization that you are better off without this person in your life. In time you will likely come to see that this turn of events was actually a blessing in disguise. This may be hard to see now, but just think back to the last guy you thought you couldn’t live without and you somehow managed to get over him. We must learn to love ourselves enough to recognize that not everyone deserves the key to your heart. You are worthy of a healthy and loving relationship so don’t settle for anything less.

So that’s the process or better yet mindset that I have used to get over a break up and move on with my life. Fast forward a few months and I’m happy to report that we have both moved on. While both my friend and I have had new suitors in the time since our break ups, she has begun a new relationship with a great guy who makes her wonder why she was so distraught over the last guy.

I, on the other hand, have chosen not to begin a new relationship at this time. It’s not that I don’t believe that I’m ready to start a new a relationship, but after a few initial conversations with the guy who was pursuing me I didn’t think there was much there and I didn’t want to go down that road unnecessarily when I knew I wasn’t fully committed because that would not be fair to either of us. I am confident that the right guy will come along at the right time and I see absolutely no reason to settle just to be in a relationship.

I hope your current or next relationship is the one that lasts forever, but if it just so happens that God has something even better in store for you then I hope you find the aforementioned information helpful in getting over a break up. It may be difficult at first, but it’s not impossible and if the wrong person was never removed from your life, then how could there be room for the right person?

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