Moving from Surviving to Thriving
in your Singleness

As I journey through life I have learned there are a few key things I utlize as a Christian single woman that have helped me move from surviving, to thriving in my singleness. However, after attending a Titus 2 event at church (the older women teach the younger women), I realized that I was never taught how to lead a “whole” life as a Christian single because everyone assumes we’re all suppose to follow a certain path.

It seems someone made a rule that everyone is suppose to go to college, get married, have kids shortly thereafter and if you don’t follow that path, there must be something wrong with you. However, before forcing their rules on me, they forgot to consult my Heavenly Father regarding His plan for me.

Everyone will not get married by age 25. In fact, some may never marry but if you are a child of God He said He came that you may have abundant life (John 10:10). He did not say, He came to give you abundant life after you get married.

So as a thirty-something Christian single who is content waiting on Jesus, I want to share a few key things you will need to go from surviving singleness,  to thriving in it.

Relationship with Christ - First and foremost, you must develop a relationship with Christ. This goes beyond attending church, it is intimacy with God. Go beyond just knowing about God, to really experiencing or knowing Him for yourself. Whether single or married, the most important relationship in every Christian’s life should be with Christ as it is the basis for every other relationship in your life.

High Self-esteem - As a Christian single, you will not fit into anyone’s box. Our sex-crazed world believe you should be free to do whatever feels good and the church believes you should be married because that’s what family looks like to most. As a result, people (yes, some will be Christians) will inevitably say some very hurtful things to you and sometimes treat you as if you are less than human. Some will be unintentional, but hurtful nonetheless.

Developing a healthy self-esteem will prevent you from being constantly plagued with self-doubt about who you are and your self-worth. Don’t allow anyone to define you. Learn and live out who God says you are. Why live in a box when Jesus has paid for your freedom?

An Accountability Partner - The first person we are accountable to is Christ. We must be real with Him and allow Him to change us in order to grow. It can also be helpful to have an accountability partner as you work to mature in your Christian walk. Find a woman you can trust and with whom you can be transparent. In order for accountability to be beneficial, trust is required. Also, you need someone who will tell you the truth from God’s Word (not their truth) and not what you want to hear.

If you are a marriage-minded single, then you should utilize and value accountability during the dating process. For more information on accountability in dating, review guidelines for Christian dating.

Peace, Joy & Contentment - The peace of God is priceless. God will truly give you peace that surpasses all human understanding, even your own. Seek joy because happiness fades, but the joy of the Lord gives you strength. Contentment (not complacency) brings peace. Everyone will not understand or believe that you can be content with Christ alone, but that’s their problem not yours.

Learn how to have peace, joy and contentment in this season because it will benefit you in the next season. And please note this is not a result of your circumstances changing. If that were the case every married, rich or healthy person would have it. Peace, joy and contentment can only be found and sustained in Christ.

Cultivating these things will take time, but none of it will be a waste.  You  will grow as a person and as a Christian.  Growing doesn't always feel good, but it is always worth it.

So let me reassure you of this...if no one has ever told you, allow me to be the first to say there is NOTHING wrong with you! You are a child of the King. He made you and He knows you better than you know yourself. God knows your heart’s desire and what’s more, He is able to fulfill it. But may I suggest that you don’t want what you want for you, rather you want what God has for you. His will is not only perfect, it is best.

God has not changed. And just as He worked miracles in the Bible, He still performs miraculous works today. He is not surprised by your singleness nor is He incapable of modifying your situation. Trust Him to be God and enjoy getting to know Him in the process.