The Father Daughter Relationship

God did not create any relationship to be incomplete. As such, the father daughter relationship should be whole. However as Robert McGee, states in his book Father Hunger, the hearts of many is a hollow place because they long for the blessing that only a father can give. It is a father’s responsibility to affirm the feminity in daughters early in life. In his book, he describes father hunger as the emptiness many experience because they still crave the comfort and security that their father did not provide.

Many psychologists believe this should be done by age eight. It is his responsibility to cultivate what he has created. However, every father brings his own pain to the job of parenting, which kids are ill-equipped to understand. Thus we should not make judgments without understanding. Unfortunately, insecure people will secure themselves at the expense of others. I once heard June Hunt, radio host, author and speaker say it best by stating ‘hurting people hurt people.’

“Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.” - I Corinthians 4: 5 NIV

While it’s true you can’t control another person’s actions, you are in complete control of your own. If you struggle to have a healthy relationship with your father, try overlooking his weaknesses and celebrate his strengths. Find out who he is and what moves his heart. Pray and ask God to help you in this.

Never dishonor or disrespect your father in thought or in deed. Don’t break his spirit. Seek to edify him and build him up. Not because it is deserved, but because it honors Christ. If you struggle to develop a relationship with your father (or with anyone for that matter) due to past hurts, I highly recommend reading The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. 

This book was instrumental in opening my eyes to the fact that my negative response to an offense (even if justified) is still an insult to God. It reaffirmed what I already knew, but chose to disregard and that is the simple fact that God holds me responsible for my actions, not the actions of others.

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” - 2 Corinthians 5:10 NIV

We must not allow our pride to keep us in bondage. John Bevere reveals in his book, that ‘pride keeps you from dealing with truth. You will never change if you believe everything is ok. 

Pride causes you to view yourself as a victim, which allows you to believe your actions are justified. However, just because you were mistreated, you do not have permission to hold on to an offense. Two wrongs don’t make a right!’

If you are really serious about maturing in your relationship with Christ and moving beyond past hurts, The Bait of Satan is a must read!

I know facts are irrelevant when emotions surface, but you must separate your feelings from facts. We must remember the only thing that’s good about us is Christ’s spirit in us. Only forgiveness can reconcile this type of dysfunction. A great book on forgiveness is Total Forgiveness by R. T. Kendall.

No matter how perfect or imperfect your earthly father may be in your eyes, he is worthy of your love if for no other reason than the fact that he is God’s creation. Don’t expect perfection from your dad, it is an unfair and unrealistic expectation. Despite his best efforts, your earthly father will never be perfect. However, know that your Heavenly Father is perfect and He will fill any void left by your earthly father.

“I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the Lord Almighty.” - 2 Corinthians 6:18 NKJV

“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!...” - 1 John 3:1 NKJV