Don't Get Married

“Take my advice, don’t get married!” I’m getting tired of this so-called advice from unhappily married people. Both men and women in troubled relationships have uttered these words to me on numerous occasions. Usually those who espouse this opinion do so due to difficulties they have or are experiencing in their marriage.

Out of frustration with their situation they believe they are doing us a favor by telling us to avoid getting married so we will not have to endure similar hardships. While they may be well intentioned, their comments are misguided.

I’m not naive enough to believe that marriage is easy and does not require a lot of work because I know it does. I mean you’re joining two people with different backgrounds and experiences together as one. There are bound to be a few challenges. But marriage is more than that; it is a covenant between three parties (the husband, the wife and God).

“…a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” - Ecclesiastes 4:12 NKJV

Unfortunately, I know too many unhappily married or divorced people who are all too content to share their thoughts on why I should not get married. But trying to view this from a different perspective, what I believe these people are attempting to say is something to the affect of:

• “marriage requires much prayer”
• “be sure you hear from God as to whether this is the person He has for you”
• “learn to accept people for who they are and don’t try to change them”
• “don’t make a big decision like marriage on emotions…pray and wait to hear from God!”
• “marriage is hard work, so be sure to spend quality time cultivating it”

The failure of a Christian marriage is heartbreaking and I am sorry these people have endured difficulties in their marriage. I pray that those tough times draw them closer to God and each other, but to spew these aspersions on singles looking forward to marriage is ill-advised.

The time to begin learning what makes a successful marriage is while you’re single, so in an ongoing effort to encourage single women I have sought the advice of happily married couples to counter the poor advice received from others.

“They way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise” - Proverbs 12:15 NKJV

Here are just a few tips I’ve received from happily married seasoned (married 20+ years) Christian couples.

Marriage Tips from Seasoned Married Couples

• Honor God by honoring your spouse - put God 1^st, husband 2^nd, then others – your husband should be your #1 human relationship; he should know he’s #1 and everyone else should know it too

• Communicate – don’t assume he knows what you’re thinking or should know, tell him what’s on your mind (in love)

• Never go to bed angry – don’t allow anger to fester (don’t let the sun go down on your wrath)

• Continue to date – it’s important to date even after you’re married and after you have kids, make each other a priority (both your marriage and your kids will benefit)

• Don’t let yourself go – continue to get your hair and nails done, you should want to look nice for him just as you did when you were dating (men are visual)

• Guard your tongue – every thought does not need to be uttered, some things are better left unsaid (there will be instances where you must decide if you want to be right or happy)

• Respect each other – don’t belittle your spouse in private or in public; just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should, respect his masculinity

So the next time someone advises you not to get married, recognize what they’re really saying is “learn from me what things to avoid.” Take the advice of the happily married instead and be sure to begin your Christian marriage preparation now.