Interview with Chrstine Pembleton,
author of Lord, I'm Ready to be a Wife

christine pembleton Christine Pembleton is a wife, mother and minister. She is the author of the #1 marriage book for single women - Lord, I'm Ready to be a Wife.

Christine helps women understand the foundational truths of the Word of God through her ministry of writing, speaking, and teaching. She has a strong desire to encourage and empower women who want happiness and fulfillment in their marriages.

Christine transitioned from singleness to marriage in 2005 and she lives in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania with her husband Robert and their their two young daughters.

CSW: First and foremost, thank you for granting my interview request. I’m excited for you to share your heart and insights with Christian single women.

The title of your book captures the very heart of a single woman’s greatest desire. Helping women on what is often a very lonely journey has to be quite rewarding so my first question is not why you decided on the title, but rather how have you been blessed by helping single women on this journey.

It’s always a blessing to be used by God but it’s been humbling to see how many women have been encouraged by this book. Every time I tell another woman about it or speak at an event, I imagine that I am talking to someone who like me is single and truly wants to know what THEY need to do prepare for marriage. I enjoy it, and am thankful.

CSW: One question posed in the book is vitally important for single women to examine and that is “Why do you want to be married?” It seems so many of us want to be married, but primarily only to satisfy our selfish desire for companionship. Please share why it is so important to have a purpose in marriage.

CP: Simply put, if you’re marriage doesn’t fulfill a purpose in your life or in the life of your spouse, it will die. There is too much involved in coordinating two mindsets, ideals, and personalities to operate as one for it not to mean anything to you at the end of the day. Married people still get lonely sometimes, so marriage, although it does offer companionship, does not solve the problem of having someone at your beck and call 24 hours a day.

CSW: What do you think is the biggest misconception single women have about marriage and how can we overcome it?

CP: The biggest misconception I’ve come across over the years is that single women believe their lives will remain unaltered after they get married. They believe that their husband will come along and they will live their life as it is now, but just have someone else in the home to “share it with.” What they really mean is, they will be able to live their life in whatever way they want, and they’ll be able to have sex, or have their husband’s undivided attention whenever their schedule allows. That’s not the real picture of how a husband and wife build a life together.

Although a man and a woman should share the same life goals if they want to get married, they will almost always have two different ways of going about those goals. So your married life will include some things that you want to happen, and some things that your husband wants to happen. You don’t have to agree with each other to be compatible, but that may mean you’ll have to do things you don’t want to do to keep your marriage fulfilling for both you and your spouse.

CSW: While it’s true most single women want to be married, I think very few of us are actually ready to be a wife. Having traveled this journey, please share just a few key things we should be doing to get ready to be a wife.

CP: When I was preparing to be a wife, everyone I knew would encourage me by telling me to “Wait on the Lord.” I am not sure who was ever encouraged by that statement, but it’s scripture so it must apply in some way.

So, in my Wife-in-Waiting Transformation class, I teach these four steps in W.A.I.T’ing on the Lord.

W- Watch, meaning you have to be on the lookout for opportunities to be findable. Unless you’ve posted your profile on Faithmate.com or E-Harmony, no one can find you while you’re sitting on your couch. So, it’s important that you pay attention to the men who are paying attention to you, so you won’t miss a possible hookup.

A- Be Active! Enjoy life for all that it has for you, and make sure you’re spending time doing the things that bring you joy, not just things to do. If you’re in school, do it because you really want to be there. If you’re involved in the arts, or have a hobby, go for it. The best way of finding someone with the same interests and values as you have is to be doing what your heart tells you to do.

I-Get Instruction. Learn as much as you can about marriage, from people who are happily married. Read books, go to workshops, attend events at your church, or whatever God sends your way. Keep yourself surrounded by marriage-minded people, and if you don’t have marriage-minded friends, get some new ones.

T-Stand the Test! You will be tested while you’re single, and it’s important that you pass every test. Your patience, standards, and virtues will be tested on all sides. But the testing will build character in you, so you can build your future marriage over the course of several years. God knows what you need, so don’t complain about the tests. Embrace them. After the test, comes the reward. You don’t want to get married and be miserable because your marriage-muscles are weak!

CSW: What are some of the biggest mistakes single women make that likely hinders our ultimate goal of getting married?

CP: The biggest mistake I see single women making (and I’ve done it so many times) is maintaining a relationship with a man that is not making you a priority in his life. Men know what they want, and my husband has a saying about it. He says, “If you have to question whether a man likes you or not, he doesn’t!”

Now, that may seem harsh, but it’s the truth. If he’s calling you or emailing you, but doesn’t make seeing you a priority in his life, then move on – the sooner the better. We can’t change men, no matter how hard we try. So, don’t spend unnecessary months and years committed to a man that cannot commit to you.

CSW: I love the quote from your book, “Think like a wife, but wait until you’re married to act like a wife.” Many single women try to adhere to this but often begin “acting like a wife” before the ring for fear of losing the man. What advice would you offer to single women who struggle with this delicate balance?

CP: Don’t do it! Plain and simple. Don’t take on the responsibilities of being a man’s wife until you actually are his wife. It may seem tough, but it goes back to the previous question about making sure you’re with a man who makes you a priority. If you’re doing things to keep a man, then you have to get your own self-esteem together before you give yourself away for nothing in return. You’re worth more than that. You’re worth a life-long commitment.

CSW: Unlike many married women, you seem to have not forgotten what it was like to be single. However, is there anything you would have done differently on your journey to becoming a wife?

CP: I’m not sure if there is one thing. I invested in relationships with men who didn’t value who I was. And that took up a lot of emotional time for me. Definitely wished I hadn’t done that. But at least I can relate to women that are doing that now.

CSW: Finally, what would you say is the best advice you’ve ever received that has helped you most in your marriage?

CP: When my husband gets on my nerves, a woman married for 33 years told me to say to myself “I love my husband.” It helps me not get too angry, and reminds me why I married him in the first place! Plus, he doesn’t know that I’m really calming myself down, so he takes it as loving conversation. A win-win!

CSW: Thanks Christine, I appreciate your gracious cooperation!