The goal of most Christian single women is to be married.
that does not mean you should wait until you’re engaged to start
preparing to be a wife. Married women told me this for years before I
began to heed the advice. However, once I realized God prepares us to
receive blessings I realized I needed to prepare to receive the
blessing of my husband.
I love the way Ayiesha Woods puts it in her song, The
Only One. My
favorite line of that song goes...
"Oh out of all the people in this world, You were meant for me
And out of all the plans He has for you I'm a part of your destiny."
that just give you a whole new perspective? God has someone just for
you and He’s preparing you to be a part of your husband’s destiny. With
that being the case, ladies we need to get ready!
Here are seven
steps I’m using to prepare for my husband. Use it to begin
your Christian marriage preparation or let it inspire you to
The 7 Ps of Christian Marriage Preparation
Christian Marriage Preparation Step 1: Pray for your husband
Christian single women pray to be married and there is absolutely
nothing wrong with that. But this first P is not about praying to be
married, but rather praying for your husband. I will admit, I had never
thought of this until I read Stormie Omartian’s book, The
Power of a Praying Wife. I can’t even remember why
I bought the book, but I’m sure there was some reluctance (being single
I found valuable truths within the pages of this book. I first love
that her husband wrote the foreword and in it he writes, ‘I can think
of no better way to truly love your husband than by lifting him up in
prayer on a consistent basis. It is a priceless gift that helps him
experience God’s blessings and grace.’ A powerful truth, every woman
needs to know.
This book gave me a new perspective that my husband, the one God is
preparing just for me, needs
She shares how God strengthened her marriage once she began to pray for
her husband. Key areas she mentions include, his spiritual walk, his
emotions, his role as a father, leader and decision-maker, his security
in work and finances, his health and physical protection, and his faith
Ask God to teach you how to be a Godly
While reading this book, I realized my future
husband is currently struggling or will struggle with these same
issues, so what better gift than to pray for him and prepare for
oneness with him.
Christian Marriage Preparation Step 2: Prepare
I read a book entitled When
God Writes Your Love Story,
by Eric and Leslie Ludy and yet another truth that I had never
considered was revealed to me. Your family is your training ground for
marriage. They share, you must train yourself to model Christ now to
those most familiar and close to so you will be great at it when you
This was really a shocker for me, but the more I
thought about it, it really makes sense. We can’t treat our family
poorly and then assume once we say ‘I do’ we will all of a sudden know
how to treat our spouse.
They state in their book, 'family is
our practice field'. We take into our future marriage what we learn in
our life with them here and now. If we learn to snub or disown those
closest to us now, we’re setting patterns for broken trust and
emotional heartache in the future.
If we train ourselves now to
be verbally abusive to our family members, we will be conditioning
ourselves to bite rather than bless in the future.
You’re only as holy as you are at home.
I don’t know
about you, but after reading that chapter I had to call home and
apologize to some folks. Your family is your training ground. Learn how
to treat them in preparation for your future marriage.
Christian Marriage Preparation Step 3: Practice
Yes, it’s true, during
this time of singleness
we have some freedoms that married women don’t always enjoy. However,
that is not to say we should be footloose and fancy free. In fact, the
opposite is true. We can and should be practicing submission. Yes, I
said the ‘S’ word.
Submission has gotten a bad rep over the
years (often because I Peter chapter 3 is misunderstood), but every
child of God should be submitted to Him. Submission is all about
yielding in love.
God has designated that the man is the head
and as such the woman is to be submitted unto him. Now you can choose
to look at this as a negative, but I view it as a positive. I didn’t
always feel this way, but I now understand that submission is not so
much about submitting to your husband, but rather about submitting to
God’s design for marriage.
There is much more pressure on the
man since he is held responsible, which is all the more reason why you
should be praying for him. Remember the story of Adam and Eve. Even
though Eve is the one that actually took a bite out of the fruit, God
called out to Adam for an account and response (Genesis 3:9).
Word tells us our role in marriage and you can choose to obey or not.
However, it would be worthwhile to practice during this time. God is
your husband for now. Seek His guidance and ask His permission before
doing or committing to various activities.
Jesus Christ is our ultimate example
submission, He submitted to His Father’s will for us. (Matthew 26:39).
If you begin this
now, it won’t seem so foreign to you when you become married and you
will not likely have a fit when your husband asks ‘where are you
going?’ or something similar.
Practice submission now with God, so you can discover the joy of God’s
plan and learn to view it as a positive.
Christian Marriage Preparation Step 4: Praise
Why do we
always wait until we see the blessing to praise God? If you believe in
your heart that God has promised you a husband, then thank Him for the
one He is preparing just for you. Praise God in your waiting and thank
Him for the lessons He’s teaching you and how He’s maturing you.
for one can say, I’m glad I did not get married when I wanted to. He
was a great guy, but in all honesty, I was not ready to be married. I
was selfish and wanted everything to revolve around me (only child
syndrome). However, I have grown so much since then.
to say I would not have grown in the marriage, but I wouldn’t trade
anything for my walk with God right now. It took me being all alone to
understand who God is to me and develop a relationship with Him and I
will never regret the time I’ve spent just getting to know Him.
rejoice with others. I know this can be difficult for a lot of single
women, but when God blesses one of your friends with a God-fearing
Rejoice, your blessing is on the way!
For one, a Christian marriage is a blessing
and we ought to rejoice when we see the blessings of the Lord.
Secondly, know that the same God that blesses them, blesses you. Praise
God for how He’s growing and maturing you and rejoice when you see God
Christian Marriage Preparation Step 5: Pray for a
I know I’ve already mentioned prayer, but you can never pray too much (prayer
is always in order). This time, our prayers should be focused
on having a discerning spirit so we can recognize our prince when he
more importantly, recognize the frogs when they arrive. Unfortunately,
most of us encounter a few frogs before meeting our prince, so it’s
critical to understand the difference.
To discern is to be able
to separate the things of God from the things of the world or to
distinguish between good and evil. Now this has nothing to do with what
he looks like, but rather looking to his heart and his spirit. My
married friends tell me I’m too concerned about the packaging, so I’m
still working on this too.
However, as Christian single women we
must realize that everyone that demands our attention does not deserve
our attention. Just because a man requests your phone number does not
mean he deserves to have it.
Now I’ve heard this before, so let
me state this is not being judgmental. Rather consider yourself a fruit
inspector. In John 15:5, Jesus says “…He who abides in Me and I in Him,
bears much fruit.” So you ought to see some evidence that this man is
spending some time with God and bearing fruit for God. If not, just
Pray and ask God for discernment, then
Think about it, a pear tree cannot produce oranges and
vice versa. Neither can we. If we claim to be Christians, our lives
should be evident of that. Regardless, our life tells the story of who
we really are so look for the fruit his tree bears (and he should do
the same for you).
God’s desire to reveal will always be greater than your desire to know.
Seek His guidance in your decision making.
Christian Marriage Preparation Step 6: Perceive
quite easy to be focused on the glorious day when you will marry the
one that Christ has for you, but don’t lose sight of the here and now.
Just because God is preparing you for marriage does not mean we are to
do nothing in the meantime.
Ask God what it is He would have you
to do during your time of singleness. You need to understand (or
perceive) this so that you do not remain idle. My grandmother always
said, 'an idle mind is the devil’s workshop'.
Just as you will
when you’re married, you have an assignment and a ministry in your
singleness. Could it be that you’re not progressing towards marriage
because you’re not completing the task at hand? I don’t know, and in
actuality I can ask myself the same question.
A mature Christian seeks God’s will and wisdom
God has a purpose
and a plan for each of our lives, so we need to seek His face and ask
Him to reveal His plan for us during this season. There is work to be
done, so you can rest assured that your role is not just sitting around
waiting to be married. Perceive who God is to you, get to know Him
better and serve Him wholeheartedly during your season of singleness.
Christian Marriage Preparation Step 7: Pause
wait on God. Philippians 4:6 clearly states, be anxious for nothing and
pray about everything. God knows your desire, but more importantly He
knows and loves you. Know that He has not forgotten about you, He’s
just working things out for you.
Have you ever wanted something
really bad and you prayed and prayed for it, but when you got it you
realized it wasn’t all that great? Most times in these cases, we
finagle our way to get the thing rather than accepting God’s no or
waiting for God’s best.
I implore you, don’t do that with
marriage, wait on God. Who knows better how to prepare you for marriage
than the One who designed marriage?
In this fast paced world,
take time to pause and make sure you’re making choices that are
pleasing and honoring to God in every area of your life.
there you have it, my seven step plan (or the 7Ps) to Christian
marriage preparation. Use these steps to help you prepare for your
Christian marriage in your singleness.
Also, read books about
marriage and talk to happily married Christian couples (20 or 30+ year
veterans) to discover what marriage is all about and how they have
managed to make it work all these years.
Be blessed, my sister, someday your prince will come.
“I can learn with God’s power and motivation, to daily make
choices that will lead me toward my goal of being a godly wife.”
- Linda Dillow above-socializeitsocializeit