Christian Marriage Preparation Interview with James Riley

Thanks for granting my interview request and sharing your insights on marriage. Please start with a brief bio including a little bit about yourself, how long you’ve been married, your family, blog, etc.

As a former single Christian himself, James recognizes the difficulty of dating God's way. So in 2006, he launched FindingMorris.com, an online singles ministry radio show that focuses on bridging the gap between the sexes. The show's trademark is shockingly honest discussions about dating as an unmarried Christian. FindingMorris has often been described by, many female listeners, "as being a fly on the wall as they listen to men being really, real".

James has regular panelists and he has an expectation that this frank and open dialog will help create the understanding that life long, joy-filled marriages can be based on.

FindingMorris.com reaches thousands of people all over the nation and abroad offering up real talk , about the real Christian walk of dating today.

James and Kanika have been Married for 2 years with a precious miracle of a baby girl Cayna.

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CSW: Can you recall the biggest misconception you had about marriage when you were single?

JR: I thought marriage was gonna be a sex fest! Kitchen, living room, you name it. I was surprised to see God's patience established in me, especially during times when we simply could not have sex like with pregnancy/ baby scenarios. He gave me a peace to chill, and just be there for my wife. I didn't even feel the loss. He is truly good.

CSW: Do you believe dating adequately prepared you for marriage? Why? or Why not?

JR: No. The bible prepared me for marriage. The bible and solid men of God teaching it to me. Dating IS NOT the best indicator for having a life-long joy filled marriage.  Each person's willingness to agree with God is the best indicator of having a great marriage. It's the best marriage preparation you can get. Simple obedience to God can be clearly observed in the friendship stage, even before you start dating.

CSW: How did you know your wife was the one?

JR: I knew she was the one because out of all the things that I had seen in the garden (as Adam did), she was the one that was most like me. I saw her as bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She agreed with me on 100% of the issues of life that matter. She was and is a great friend, and not to mention she is fine as all get up! [Shouting out loud].

CSW: What’s the best marriage preparation advice you received?

JR: Never say anything bad/negative about your wife to anyone, when she IS NOT present. Speak favor over her always.

CSW: What’s the worse advice you received?

JR: Probably some bull crap about getting to know yourself.... thats such crap! Get to know Jesus and become more like him....thats what you need more of in a marriage. Knowing myself kept my butt single for 38 years. Such Crappy advice!

CSW: What is the one thing you wished you had mastered in singleness that would have really benefited you in marriage?

JR: My finances. Lord Jesus. He knows. We have the money in the bank, but I sometimes forget to pay the bill! Pray for me please... I am learning to shed my bachelor ways and step it up and do better. Our pre-marital counselors listed finances as a ....ahem.... "growth area" for us [using air quotes].

CSW: What is the one thing you wish you had known about marriage before you got married?

JR: I wish I would have known that my list of qualities of what I wanted my bride to have was crap! God's list is soooo much better! He gave me so much more that I was even asking for.

I learned it's about your gifts, not you list! Your God given gifts are not for you, but for someone else. Some women give their gift of financial management to a dude who won't receive from her. Not the best match.  Some women have the gift of administration and won't use it to help a man, even though she sees that he could really use her help. Not the best person for that man to pursue. Get it?

CSW: What was the most pleasant surprise you realized about marriage?

JR: I was most surprised by the total fulfillment of her being home with me. I spent a lot of years alone, studying, working, dating "wack" chicks not suited for me. I was surprised to be surrounded by her loving arms, and told great stories about her day. She was ever present in my heart when we were friends and dated, and now is literally with me all of the time. It's great.

CSW: How would you recommend Christian single women prepare for marriage?

JR: Be friends, date briefly, get married. No boyfriends, No wifey / girlfriend titles. If a man wanna marry you, then he will have to deal with the fact that you may just go out with some other dude if he doesn't make up his fricking mind and visit the diamond store. Prepare for marriage by being available for marriage, when it is proposed. You can't accept the best made proposal from Prince Charming who is ready to take your hand on bended knee and propose to you, if you've already given your heart to some other dude who thinks ya'll will get hitched some day! If dude wants you to stay until he gets his money right, until he knows you better; aight, thats cool. Let him keep waiting around, but let him do it without a commitment from you that you will be available when his money ain't funny no more. C'mon even Beyonce knows that if a man likes you then he should put a ring on it.

CSW: What’s the secret to developing and maintaining a healthy and happy Christian marriage?

JR: Mutual submission. Yes I said the "S" word. Submit yourselves one to another as the bible says. So in a marriage that means that you should harken [listen with the intention of doing what is being said] You may agree with your husband now, but submission doesn't begin until you disagree with him. [selah] You should talk through your disagreements and share your point of view, but also be willing to lovingly do it his way anyway. This goes for men too. In fact, men should be the one to submit first. Gods way always work. The challenge is that Christians sometimes marry people that we love, but at the end of the day couldn't bring ourselves to place their desires above our own. We get into the marriage and say heck nah, "I ain't doing that", then wonder where the joy of the Lord is in our lives. Happiness comes and goes in marriage. But joy is always present when a Christian marriage begins with choosing to live sacrificially, and choosing a man/woman that loves God more than they love you.

CSW: Please feel free to share any additional insights that you believe will benefit Christian single women but was not addressed in the questions above.

JR: I spent 8 years with a woman, got engaged broke up and got engaged to her again and NEVER MARRIED HER! I wasted almost a decade of a woman's life on some ol' Bull crap like....oh let me work on this project and then we can talk about it....or I need to be financially set before we "go there". All of that is crap! Trust me. What the dude is really saying is that you have it all together and I'm just a slacker and I still can't believe I pulled a great chick like you. Then he wonders if you are kinda desperate or naive to roll with him even though he doesn't have his act together. Once a man goes there...he loses respect for you. What's worse, the idea of a marriage becomes a never ending road that the two of you can never seem to reach the end of. Simply put, make yourself available for God's best man to find you, friend you, date you, and marry you. No commitments before engagement.

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My sincere thanks to James for his "shockingly honest" feedback. I think you can see why his radio show is so popular among Christian singles.

I have learned alot listening to James' podcasts. To gain more insights on Christian dating be sure to check out FindingMorris.com. He and his panelists will truly help you better understand the Christian male perspective on dating.

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